Football Pitches- A Criminal's Paradise

Keane on Haaland, Zidane on Materazzi, Fellaini on Shawcross.

These are just three incidents in modern football where indubitably, one player has purposely gone out of his way to assault a fellow professional. Injuries caused by horrendous fouls in football are an unfortunate but natural part of the game, examples such as Martin Taylor's foul on Eduardo and Ryan Shawcross on Aaron Ramsey are simply unfortunate errors of judgement. Tackles which are mistimed and lead to potentially career-ending (or at least career changing) injuries. The three incidents I have mentioned at the top of this article however, are very different, and for me they show that football can be a way for criminal offences to be taken about as seriously as Katie Price's music career.

Working in reverse order, very recently Marouane Fellaini was banned for three games for headbutting and attempting to punch Ryan Shawcross. This is just one headbutt or punch out of hundreds I could have picked out, they probably happen most weeks in the Premier League alone, however Fellaini's was made more bizarre as both his attacks were completely unprovoked. Often a player may headbutt an opponent in anger at a challenge made on them and although this is unacceptable in itself, it comes from a red mist descending on the player (for example, Samir Nasri very recently against Norwich). Fellaini was acting in this way in order to gain an advantage to score and he was doing it in a way which could have easily caused damage to Shawcross. Imagine for a second you are walking down the street quite slowly and a man behind you tells you to hurry up. When you fail to do so, this man then grabs you and headbutts or punches you. Now let's say there are thousands of witnesses to this, and cameras which can replay the incident over and over again so that proof of it is undeniable. In most respectable societies, this attack would lead to some sort of prison sentence or at a minimum, community service. In the case of Fellaini, he received a three game ban. So what? As far as the Belgian was concerned, it meant he got to have a very relaxing Christmas, rather than playing every three days like the rest of his team-mates, and bearing in mind he was the main force behind Everton's great performances this season, it probably came as a welcome rest. He returned from his suspension with a slightly damaged reputation as a person, but with no harm done to opinions about his playing ability, and he is allowed to carry on playing as if nothing happened. I am not saying Fellaini should be arrested or banned permanently from playing, but a three game ban is simply not enough. Football is the most played sport in this country, and in many others around the world and it is no exaggeration that these footballers have a huge influence on the behaviour of children. Following Zlatan Ibrahimovic's jaw dropping bicycle kick against England, there will have been thousands of kids the next day possibly injuring themselves in an attempt to try and replicate that sublime piece of skill. Similarly, there must have been many Everton fans playing football the day after their hero's "punishment" for his actions was announced, who will have seen it as a good idea to try and headbutt a friend so they could score their hat-trick goal. Don't ask me what the solution is, that is not my job, but it is plain and clear for everyone to see that a three game ban is not enough for behaviour which would get a member of the public arrested.

An example of just how bizarre the football justice system works comes from Zinedine Zidane's infamous headbutt on Marco Materazzi in the 2006 World Cup Final. As Zidane was planning on immediate retirement after the match, a suspension of however many games would have been pointless. Instead, Zidane received three days of community service for his actions. Now although this would have been punished more severely had it not happened in a football match, this does show something about how footballers are treated by the authorities. It was almost as if now that Zidane had hung up his boots, he was allowed to be given a punishment usually reserved for a criminal offence, as should be the case for a disgraceful headbutt such as his, rather than retribution in the parallel universe we call football. If it weren't for his imminent rertirement, Zidane would have received a ban from several international matches and that would have been it. So why is it that a mere ban is permissable as a punishment in the footballing world, yet once the realm of football is irrelevant, more appropriate disciplinary action is given?

In my opinion, the worst intentional attack that I know of to have happened on a football pitch, was that of Roy Keane on Alf Inge Haaland and this alone, demonstrates that actions which would lead to serious repercussions in the real world, are taken far too lightly when they occur on a football pitch.

You will often hear a Man Utd fan defend Keane, by saying in fact it was not that tackle which ended Haaland's career. This is probably correct, but so what? Let us look at Keane's exact words from his autobiography, where he confessed the tackle was a premeditated attack.

"I'd waited long enough. I fucking hit him hard. The ball was there (I think). Take that you cunt. And don't ever stand over me sneering about fake injuries."

"My attitude was, fuck him. What goes around comes around. He got his just rewards. He fucked me over and my attitude is an eye for an eye."  (Haaland had previously accused Keane of faking an injury received in the 1997/98 season when Haaland played for Leeds. The injury kept Keane out for almost a year).

 Haaland claimed that the foul by Keane led to his retirement as he never played a full game afterwards. It is widely acknowledged that Haaland in fact retired due to a long-term injury in his other knee, but this does not make Keane's actions any more acceptable. Keane writing in his autobiography that he meant to hurt Haaland (whether he caused any damage or not), is the equivalent of someone confessing to attempted GBH. Imagine if a man you had a long-standing grudge against came at you in the street, again in front of thousands of witnesses, and attempted to break your legs. Despite failing to do so, he then admitted what his intentions were and claimed he had no regrets. If that happened to me I'd be more than a bit angry if my aggressor got anything less than a minor jail sentence. Haaland of course did not press charges against Keane, but in the football world is there ever an option to do so? The best a player can hope for is that their attacker gets a significant ban and fine. Keane did. He got three games and a £5,000 fine for the initial tackle and after admitting it was a motivated offence, received a further five games and £150,000. But this is not enough, it is as simple as that. As a role model, captain of his club, and a parent amongst other qualities, the fact that Keane managed to escape with his career for his actions says all you need to know about the difference between assault in the real world, and on a football pitch. That man is remembered by the majority of people (including me) as one of the greatest players to have played in the Premiership and for the way he played, deservedly so, but it has to be remembered that his actions were unacceptable and would have led to an arrest in the real world. Missing eight games and being fined £155,000 means absolutely nothing to a man who made 480 Manchester United appearances, and earned tens of thousands of pounds a week. In footballing terms, his punishment was just three games more than that of Martin Taylor, whose devastation following the breaking of Eduardo's leg was clear for all to see. In football, there is no difference between premeditated attacks and horrendous accidents, as long as it happens on a football pitch, it has no relevance to outside society.

Funnily enough, the actions of an idiot earning millions of pounds a year attempting to break someone's leg in front of millions of television viewers among which are young, easily influenced children, is actually a lot more relevant in influencing society than someone committing the same crime on the streets. No, I am not saying Roy Keane is as bad as your everyday criminal, but for the influence his actions could have, particularly on children who looked up to him and aspired to be like him, he deserved serious retribution. The media has portrayed the promiscuity of John Terry, Wayne Rooney, Ashley Cole etc, in a way which makes them seem as if they deserve to be hung, drawn and quartered for their terrible influence on the kids who look up to them. When it comes to these affairs, you may as well be telling kids about Einstein's theory of relativity or Descartes' cogito. Under the age of 10 they'd have no idea what the problem is and any older than that they simply wouldn't given a toss. If the media are going to tar and feather any sportsman for his behaviour, do it to the ones who deserve it, the cowards who purposely go out of their way to injure their fellow professionals, and let's see some real punishment for these actions.

So no, I am not claiming Keane, Zidane or Fellaini are evil men who deserve locking up, but in the footballing world these people are punished in a way that will not do anything to demonstrate just how wrong their actions are, they can get away with murder (metaphorically, I am quite sure if Joey Barton murdered a PSG player while playing for Marseille then there would be more punishment than a 12-game ban). The point stands that these people can act in a way that is unacceptable in our society, but it simply doesn't matter because it's football, it's entertainment. Maybe we all need to open our eyes a bit, injuries and fouls are an inevitable part of the entertainment, but attempted bodily harm is not.