Antonio's Left Foot

Cristiano Ronaldo was always going to be irreplaceable. When he left United he and Messi were by far and away the world's two best players, and neither of them were even as good as they are now. The goalscoring hole left by Ronaldo seems to finally be filled by Robin Van Persie (despite the best efforts of Wayne Rooney and Dimitar Berbatov in the last few seasons, neither has truly compared), however with the mouth-watering clashes between United and Real Madrid coming up in just over a month's time, I do not believe there is a single United fan who is truly over our former Portuguese genius.

At the beginning of this season, I did in fact believe that there was an opportunity to finally lay our Ronaldo dreams to rest. With RVP signed, we had a man with the ability to score as many as the man himself. We also had the Premier League's best right-footed winger of last season, the man bought in 2009 who was never going to replace Ronaldo, but has given United a much needed extra dimension out wide, Antonio Valencia. Between the two, it looked like we may finally have the closest we could ever get to a Ronaldo successor. RVP has not let anyone down, he is proving himself to truly be the best striker in the world, with Falcao being the only true competition for that crown (apologies to Liverpool and City fans but Suarez and Aguero just aren't quite that level whatever delusions you may have). The let down of the season however, and his failings have certainly been covered over by United's defensive frailties, is that man Valencia.

Voted the United fans' and players' player of the season last year, it has been an almighty fall for the Ecuadorian and until Boxing Day, I myself had been in denial about these problems. Every below par performance from my former favourite I had defended profusely, unwilling to believe that he was really playing that badly. Even his absolutely dire performance in the 1-0 defeat to Norwich didn't deter me, I still claimed Valencia was the league's best winger and it was only a matter of time until his performances picked up again. They haven't. The 4-3 win over Newcastle was the final straw in my defence of Valencia. He didn't play particularly badly, certainly it wasn't his worst performance of the season, but what I realised is that defenders have simply worked out what every United fan has been frightened of for a long time, which is that Antonio Valencia only has one foot.

Now by that I do not mean he is one-footed. One-footed in reference to a footballer usually means they are much stronger with one foot than the other, but in times of necessity they will attempt a shot, a cross or at the very least a pass with their weaker foot. When it comes to Valencia this is not the case. I genuinely do not think I have ever seen him attempt to do anything with his left foot other than use it for standing. There is nothing more frustrating for a United fan than watching him being shown onto his left foot. As soon as it happens the sight in front of your eyes becomes the same as when you leave your PlayStation on and forget to pause it. For anyone who does not know what I mean by this, when playing FIFA if you are to let go of the controller and leave a player standing over the ball, what they will do is shuffle very slowly in the direction they are facing, doing nothing of any worth whatsoever. Now if I could sum up Antonio Valencia's season in one line, I think that would have to be it. Every single time Valencia gets the ball in a position which in seasons gone by would have defenders trembling and crying like Helen Flanagan in a bushtucker trial, he is duly shown inside by said defender. Any other player in this position would at least attempt to make a short pass to the nearest team-mate, but not our Tony. Whether this nearest team-mate is 6 feet or twenty yards away, Valencia looks down at his left foot, bellows "YOU SHALL NOT PASS" in the style of Gandalf, attempts to turn and go back down the line, swings back his diamond encrusted right foot and kicks the ball straight into the readily prepared defender. Meanwhile 70,000 people inside Old Trafford groan in frustration while I openly weep in the street in front of a shrine to Jesper Blomqvist.

It has genuinely become beyond a joke now the lack of usage that left-foot gets. He may have suffered a serious injury on it and that could certainly have damaged his ability, but the fact of the matter is he goes out of his way not to use it in positions where it is even obvious to birds flying overhead that it would be the most productive thing to do. Yet every single time without fail, Valencia will attempt to either turn it back onto his stronger foot and cross it in (which defenders now expect and easily block), or he will pass the ball backwards like an over-excited Joe Allen. We are all crying for the same thing, we beg him to take the man on, shoot, cross, whatever, just USE YOUR LEFT FOOT. Even if he really cannot physically get any power behind the ball when using it, at least using his left foot to make a simple pass would carry on the build up play, unlike his small backward passes.

As far as I can tell, Valencia is possibly the most one footed player in the Premier League and defenders have now figured that out, meaning they know how to stop him. He was once arguably the best crosser of the ball in the league but defenders now know what he is going to do meaning the majority of his crosses are blocked. He only has three assists this season which says it all. Amazingly, it seems his low left-foot capabilities and dire performances have not been picked up on by pundits as of yet and in my opinion he is getting a very easy ride at the moment. It is very easy to criticise United's defence, and have a go at the likes of De Gea, Ferdinand, Nani and Rooney when they are under-performing rather than the more quiet Ecuadorian. Valencia is seen as a nice guy who just gets on with his job. He has avoided controversy so far in his career by being a consistent and solid player for both Wigan and United, especially when compared to the disgustingly inconsistent Nani and Tom Daley inspired Ashley Young. However, it will not be long before his poor performances appear on the media's radar. No player, however quiet they may be, can avoid being criticised in the long-term and Valencia is no exception. He is certainly not someone I want to have a go at, and he has been my favourite player of the last couple of years, but it is the frustration of knowing how good he has been that makes me worry about this left-footed inability.

In the past I have said that if he learnt how to use his left foot then he could be one of the best players in the world, now I think it is necessary just to prevent himself becoming a future failure at the club.

Football Pitches- A Criminal's Paradise

Keane on Haaland, Zidane on Materazzi, Fellaini on Shawcross.

These are just three incidents in modern football where indubitably, one player has purposely gone out of his way to assault a fellow professional. Injuries caused by horrendous fouls in football are an unfortunate but natural part of the game, examples such as Martin Taylor's foul on Eduardo and Ryan Shawcross on Aaron Ramsey are simply unfortunate errors of judgement. Tackles which are mistimed and lead to potentially career-ending (or at least career changing) injuries. The three incidents I have mentioned at the top of this article however, are very different, and for me they show that football can be a way for criminal offences to be taken about as seriously as Katie Price's music career.

Working in reverse order, very recently Marouane Fellaini was banned for three games for headbutting and attempting to punch Ryan Shawcross. This is just one headbutt or punch out of hundreds I could have picked out, they probably happen most weeks in the Premier League alone, however Fellaini's was made more bizarre as both his attacks were completely unprovoked. Often a player may headbutt an opponent in anger at a challenge made on them and although this is unacceptable in itself, it comes from a red mist descending on the player (for example, Samir Nasri very recently against Norwich). Fellaini was acting in this way in order to gain an advantage to score and he was doing it in a way which could have easily caused damage to Shawcross. Imagine for a second you are walking down the street quite slowly and a man behind you tells you to hurry up. When you fail to do so, this man then grabs you and headbutts or punches you. Now let's say there are thousands of witnesses to this, and cameras which can replay the incident over and over again so that proof of it is undeniable. In most respectable societies, this attack would lead to some sort of prison sentence or at a minimum, community service. In the case of Fellaini, he received a three game ban. So what? As far as the Belgian was concerned, it meant he got to have a very relaxing Christmas, rather than playing every three days like the rest of his team-mates, and bearing in mind he was the main force behind Everton's great performances this season, it probably came as a welcome rest. He returned from his suspension with a slightly damaged reputation as a person, but with no harm done to opinions about his playing ability, and he is allowed to carry on playing as if nothing happened. I am not saying Fellaini should be arrested or banned permanently from playing, but a three game ban is simply not enough. Football is the most played sport in this country, and in many others around the world and it is no exaggeration that these footballers have a huge influence on the behaviour of children. Following Zlatan Ibrahimovic's jaw dropping bicycle kick against England, there will have been thousands of kids the next day possibly injuring themselves in an attempt to try and replicate that sublime piece of skill. Similarly, there must have been many Everton fans playing football the day after their hero's "punishment" for his actions was announced, who will have seen it as a good idea to try and headbutt a friend so they could score their hat-trick goal. Don't ask me what the solution is, that is not my job, but it is plain and clear for everyone to see that a three game ban is not enough for behaviour which would get a member of the public arrested.

An example of just how bizarre the football justice system works comes from Zinedine Zidane's infamous headbutt on Marco Materazzi in the 2006 World Cup Final. As Zidane was planning on immediate retirement after the match, a suspension of however many games would have been pointless. Instead, Zidane received three days of community service for his actions. Now although this would have been punished more severely had it not happened in a football match, this does show something about how footballers are treated by the authorities. It was almost as if now that Zidane had hung up his boots, he was allowed to be given a punishment usually reserved for a criminal offence, as should be the case for a disgraceful headbutt such as his, rather than retribution in the parallel universe we call football. If it weren't for his imminent rertirement, Zidane would have received a ban from several international matches and that would have been it. So why is it that a mere ban is permissable as a punishment in the footballing world, yet once the realm of football is irrelevant, more appropriate disciplinary action is given?

In my opinion, the worst intentional attack that I know of to have happened on a football pitch, was that of Roy Keane on Alf Inge Haaland and this alone, demonstrates that actions which would lead to serious repercussions in the real world, are taken far too lightly when they occur on a football pitch.

You will often hear a Man Utd fan defend Keane, by saying in fact it was not that tackle which ended Haaland's career. This is probably correct, but so what? Let us look at Keane's exact words from his autobiography, where he confessed the tackle was a premeditated attack.

"I'd waited long enough. I fucking hit him hard. The ball was there (I think). Take that you cunt. And don't ever stand over me sneering about fake injuries."

"My attitude was, fuck him. What goes around comes around. He got his just rewards. He fucked me over and my attitude is an eye for an eye."  (Haaland had previously accused Keane of faking an injury received in the 1997/98 season when Haaland played for Leeds. The injury kept Keane out for almost a year).

 Haaland claimed that the foul by Keane led to his retirement as he never played a full game afterwards. It is widely acknowledged that Haaland in fact retired due to a long-term injury in his other knee, but this does not make Keane's actions any more acceptable. Keane writing in his autobiography that he meant to hurt Haaland (whether he caused any damage or not), is the equivalent of someone confessing to attempted GBH. Imagine if a man you had a long-standing grudge against came at you in the street, again in front of thousands of witnesses, and attempted to break your legs. Despite failing to do so, he then admitted what his intentions were and claimed he had no regrets. If that happened to me I'd be more than a bit angry if my aggressor got anything less than a minor jail sentence. Haaland of course did not press charges against Keane, but in the football world is there ever an option to do so? The best a player can hope for is that their attacker gets a significant ban and fine. Keane did. He got three games and a £5,000 fine for the initial tackle and after admitting it was a motivated offence, received a further five games and £150,000. But this is not enough, it is as simple as that. As a role model, captain of his club, and a parent amongst other qualities, the fact that Keane managed to escape with his career for his actions says all you need to know about the difference between assault in the real world, and on a football pitch. That man is remembered by the majority of people (including me) as one of the greatest players to have played in the Premiership and for the way he played, deservedly so, but it has to be remembered that his actions were unacceptable and would have led to an arrest in the real world. Missing eight games and being fined £155,000 means absolutely nothing to a man who made 480 Manchester United appearances, and earned tens of thousands of pounds a week. In footballing terms, his punishment was just three games more than that of Martin Taylor, whose devastation following the breaking of Eduardo's leg was clear for all to see. In football, there is no difference between premeditated attacks and horrendous accidents, as long as it happens on a football pitch, it has no relevance to outside society.

Funnily enough, the actions of an idiot earning millions of pounds a year attempting to break someone's leg in front of millions of television viewers among which are young, easily influenced children, is actually a lot more relevant in influencing society than someone committing the same crime on the streets. No, I am not saying Roy Keane is as bad as your everyday criminal, but for the influence his actions could have, particularly on children who looked up to him and aspired to be like him, he deserved serious retribution. The media has portrayed the promiscuity of John Terry, Wayne Rooney, Ashley Cole etc, in a way which makes them seem as if they deserve to be hung, drawn and quartered for their terrible influence on the kids who look up to them. When it comes to these affairs, you may as well be telling kids about Einstein's theory of relativity or Descartes' cogito. Under the age of 10 they'd have no idea what the problem is and any older than that they simply wouldn't given a toss. If the media are going to tar and feather any sportsman for his behaviour, do it to the ones who deserve it, the cowards who purposely go out of their way to injure their fellow professionals, and let's see some real punishment for these actions.

So no, I am not claiming Keane, Zidane or Fellaini are evil men who deserve locking up, but in the footballing world these people are punished in a way that will not do anything to demonstrate just how wrong their actions are, they can get away with murder (metaphorically, I am quite sure if Joey Barton murdered a PSG player while playing for Marseille then there would be more punishment than a 12-game ban). The point stands that these people can act in a way that is unacceptable in our society, but it simply doesn't matter because it's football, it's entertainment. Maybe we all need to open our eyes a bit, injuries and fouls are an inevitable part of the entertainment, but attempted bodily harm is not.

93:20, 13/05/2012- a United fan's analysis

I have not written a blog post in a while for various reasons, and in the time I've been away from writing a lot in my life has changed. Amongst many things I have become a university student, met many new and wonderful people, and decided I want to be a journalist/ some form of writer in my later career.

Aguero's goal which broke my footballing heart

One other thing that has changed is that football is not as huge a part of my life as it used to be. I put this down to one mere factor, one second of my life. 93:20, 13/05/2012. This moment will be recognisable to many as the second where Sergio Aguero's final shot of a brilliant first season in the Premier League, hit the back of the Queen's Park Rangers net and gave Manchester City the title. I don't need to explain why that one goal was the difference, we all know the story, and as a Manchester United fan everything about that goal was heartbreaking. It was not just losing the title in the dying seconds, going into those day's games we did not expect City to fail to win, we had already accepted that we had blown it. There was almost redemption for the bizarre Wigan defeat and extraordinary Everton draw, but when we looked back, it was clear that we did not deserve the title, City showed the grit and determination needed and were worthy winners. There was more to it than that, mainly that our bitter rivals (and I'm using the word "bitter" in more ways than one there), had done it. They had come from Division Two obscurity 13 years earlier to this, and us Utd fans never envisaged it happening. Everything about that Aguero goal was painful, and for me it felt like being shoved into a cardboard box, being sealed up and unable to escape. I was trapped by the deafening combination of the now legendary sound of Martin Tyler commentating "Balotelli, AGUEROOOOOOOOO", and the sound of celebration from the City fans. It was a noise like no other football celebration I'd ever heard, it seemed to be the release of every ounce of pain from the lives of each individual person in the stadium, whether personal or football related, and it was converted into that one, united scream of joy.

It was this noise which broke my footballing heart. Now do not get me wrong, I am by no means a sore loser, in fact compared to most of my fellow Utd fans I was very noble in defeat and took it well, trying to be happy for my City fan friends. The reason that this moment has led me to not care quite as much for football as I used to, particularly in moments of Utd defeat, is that there will never ever be any moment in football more painful than that Aguero goal. It was like the worst possible break up imaginable- sudden, noisy, and simply heart-wrenching. In addition, no other break-up would ever be more painful than that one, or certainly in no imaginable way. Similarly, in footballing terms, Aguero's goal was the most heartbreaking imaginable thing to happen to a Utd fan, and no other future footballing moment will ever compare. This is why my love for football has dwindled slightly. I can simply not be as disappointed or upset by anything that happens, knowing what happened in that moment. 93:20, 13/05/2012.